The Man of Integrity

Welcome back! This week is exciting. This is why: 

"It's not about being perfect. It's about not making excuses and being real about yourself. And for once in your life doing what you should do instead of what your dick tells you to do." - Matthew Wood

This is a topic that I personally love talking about. Because men have forgotten how to be real men. When you're 15 years old and having a boyfriend who wears pants halfway down his butt and has his hat on backwards is cool, fine, but when you hit 18, 19, 20, 21 years old it's time to drop the "cool" kids and find a real man. I'll start with you, guys. Let me say this, though. If you're easily offended, or can't read cuss words, I would stop here and go find a Dr. Seuss book. And should you choose to continue,thank you and enjoy.

1) Provide for those that depend on you. Whether it's your dog, parent, sibling, wife, your child, or your freaking goldfish - TAKE CARE OF THE PEOPLE WHO NEED YOU. And that doesn't just mean with money. Take care of their emotional needs to. And have a good attitude about it. Let them know that you enjoy taking care of them, and enjoy spending time with them. If you never find yourself wanting to provide the best life for the people who love you, something is wrong.

2) Protect your girl. Matt's great with this. If someone ever decides they think it'd be funny to grab my butt, and Matt sees it, it's a no questions asked absolute ass-kicking. Protect them from physical and emotional stress. I know sometimes there's nothing you can really do, but I guarantee you, if your girlfriend is stressed and just wants to cry, being the shoulder that she cries on helps her more than you think. When she knows you're there, and she knows that you care about what's going on in her life, she'll feel protected, even if you do nothing. Telling her to suck it up and move on isn't really the best way to go about it. No matter how dumb you think it is, it may not be stupid to her, so let her do her thing, and you just be there for her.

3) If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you tell your girlfriend you'll call her in 30 minutes, you better call her in 30 minutes come hell or high water. Girls hang on to every word you say. As a man, know that. No one is perfect. You may lose track of time, or get caught up at work, or doing homework, and that's fine. Women aren't completely unforgiving. But when you finally do call her, make sure she knows you had every intention of calling her when you said you were going to, and make sure it doesn't happen again. Like I said, we hang on to every word you say, and when you tell us you'll do something, we kinda expect you to follow through. 

4) Say what you mean and mean what you say. Before arguing a point with someone, you need to know why you believe what you believe, and stand by that, no matter what. If you believe that abortion is wrong, and end up knocking up your girlfriend, dear God, you better not tell her to kill that baby. If you think abuse is absolutely intolerable, don't ever lay a harmful hand on your girl. If you think cheaters are scum bags, you better never even LOOK at another woman with lustful thoughts. If you have desires for other women, you never loved your girl in the first place. Don't say a damn thing you don't believe or wouldn't be willing to live by. People respect men of priciple, even if they don't agree with them.

5) Going along with number 4, be a man of principle in public, but here's the kicker: ALSO WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING. Ouch. Nothing else to say there, I'm pretty sure all of you got that one loud and clear. Think about it.

6) Just be honest. It hurts sometimes, but people will respect you more if they know they can trust you to tell them what's up. When Matt doesn't like something I do, he tells me. If I wear something that doesn't look great on me, he'll tell me. But watch how you say it, especially when it comes to clothes. Saying, "Dang baby, are you TRYING to dress like my 80 year old grandma?" is NOT the way to do it. Try, "Aww, honey, why don't you wear that black and white polka dot shirt? You know I love the way that one looks on you." They're both the truth, but one of them is less...asshole-ish. If you don't like that your girlfriend picks her teeth with her straws, tell her. But say something like, "haha, babe, what are you doing?! Wait til we get home for that." That's better than, "Oh my gosh would you quit that? It's annoying as hell." Just think about it. You
all know that women's feelings are more fragile than men's, so be honest, but be gentle.

6.5) Also, be honest about yourself. When you make a mistake, fess up to it. Don't make excuses. Be real. Women realize that everyone is going to make mistakes - trust me, we make LOTS of them. But what we love is when a man is man enough to say, "Dang, I'm sorry baby, I screwed up...Forgive me?" There is NO shame in asking for forgiveness and I promise your penis won't shrink by saying sorry. And when you do apologize, look us in the eye. We'll know you mean it.

7) Respect yourself. Simple. Walk and dress as if you're worth a million bucks, and I promise you women will notice. Wife beaters and pants down to your mid thigh isn't respectable.

8) Respect others. Also simple. A real man treats everyone - especially women - with respect. Making fun of, manipulating or belittling others is a sign of weakness. Matt almost decked some thug in the gym one time for calling another girl a bitch. That's my man of integrity right there. Not only does he respect me, but he respects other women.

9) And finally, NEVER tell a girl you are in love with her unless you mean it. And I'm not talking about puppy love, or text love, or that love that you feel one night when she's got her head in your lap and your head is spinning. I'm talking about real love. The kind of love that Matt has for me. The kind of love that turns a selfish, cold-hearted, disrespectful, dishonest man into a loyal, honest, faithful, strong, loving, gentle man. A man of integrity.


"It's not about being perfect. It's about not making excuses and being real about yourself. And for once in your life doing what you should do instead of what your dick tells you to do."

Your turn girls. There is so much pressure to be in a relationship now a days that it's hard to sit back and just think about things for a while. People always say things like you'll never be happy until you're in love, or a life without love is no life at all. And yeah, that may be true, but I also believe that people can be single their whole lives and be happy. My point is, since we feel so pressured to settle down and get into a serious relationship, we tend to forget what we had written on our "My Prince Charming" lists, and start marking things off because we feel like no guy meets all of those qualities. Wrong. You're just in too big of a rush. Don't get me wrong, before I met Matt, I was seriously beginning to wonder if I'd ever get married. I did the same thing. I started marking things off my list, and justifying it by saying, "Well, I was a little girl and believed in fairytales. Now that I'm older I realize that no one will ever be this good." Then Matt came along and blew
my list out the water. He ADDED things to it. My point is, girls, that you need to STOP SETTLING. You all deserve a man of integrity. You all deserve your own prince charming. Don't settle for a man who has all but one thing on your list. Wait for the man who ADDS items to your list. And look, just because you're the princess who should be pursued and wooed and all that mushy stuff doesn't mean you can continue to be a
pain in the ass. No guy is gonna WANT to be that special man for you if you're lazy, or messy, or complain too much. Think about yourself a little bit, and maybe this will help.

1) If you meet a guy who has the right color hair, the right color eyes, the right family, the right car, the right clothes, the right morals, but doesn't provide for you, get rid of him. And I don't mean after 3 days if he hasn't bought you something dump him. A good way to recognize this from the get go is if he takes you out, but doesn't pay for you. If you go to a movie, and he only buys himself a ticket. That's a big red flag. Now, if you're going out as friends, then he won't feel like he has to pay. But if he asks you out ON A DATE, and doesn't pay...that's a no-no.

2) Every girl needs a knight in shining armor, not some idiot wrapped in tin foil. If you don't feel safe when you're with your guy, you shouldn't be with him. You should know how to take careof yourself, too, in case he's not around and someone tries to hurt you, but even the toughest women need someone to keep them safe sometimes.

3) When your guy tells you something, take it at face value. Believe him until he gives you reason not to. Matt used to get so frustrated at me because he would say something to me and I'd always try looking for some hidden meaning. When we first started texting a lot, we were getting to know each other and I started telling him some of my biggest secrets. He told me to slow down, that he didn't want us to lose ourselves in the
excitement of a new friendship or whatever. And when I read that, I remember thinking, "Great, I scared him away and his way of saying that is by telling me to slow down." But that's not what he meant at all. He literally meant slow down. See, because of the fact that we as women always have some underlying meaning behind what we say, we think that men do the same thing as well. But they don't. So, when a guy tells you he has
feelings for you, believe him. No guy wants to be with a girl they don't have feelings for, unless they're just after sex. And that's very easy to recognize.

4) If your guy says he's gonna do something, expect him to do it. If you want a man of his word, treat him as if he is one, and he'll become one. If he says he's going to call you in 30 minutes, expect a phone call. If he doesn't call you when he said he would, keep your cool and let him contact you first. When he does, don't freak out, just let him know you waited for his call and was disappointed when it didn't come when he said
it would. If it happens again, and again and again, it may be because he doesn't care about you as much as you think. Look for more red flags.

5) Accept honesty from your man. But listen to the way he says it. If it comes out in a hurtful way, tell him it kind of hurt your feelings that he said it that way. A good man will understand, apologize, and try not to let it happen again. No one wants a man who hurts them with his words. Be honest with him, too. Stop pulling the girly underlying meaning card. Just say what you mean.

6) In the same way that I told the men to be honest about themselves, you should too. It's not fair for us to be able to blame our actions on other people or things if men can't. Think about what you say or how you're gonna react to something before you do it.

7) RESPECT YOURSELF. This is one of the hardest things for women to learn. You have GOT to realize that if YOU don't respect yourself, neither will a guy. You know those guys I was talking about? The ones with backwards hats and pants to their ankles? That's the type of guy a girl who doesn't respect herself would go for. If you don't respect yourself, you shouldn't expect a man to treat you with respect. When some thug
whistles at you when you walk by, ignore him. Keep your chin up. By giving him attention you're letting him think it's okay to do that. If your guy treats you like you're his property, you let him know you belong to no one. He should feel LUCKY to be with you. And if he doesn't, he doesn't deserve you. And girls, I'm gonna go ahead and say this, if your man cheats on you once and promises it will never happen again, and you really feel like you're in love with them, it's your choice whether or not you want to go back to him. But if it happens again and again and again, and he has the SAME excuse every time, and you KEEP going back to him, you're letting yourself be disrespected over and over, and any guy who can be with a girl knowing that he can get away with anything will do it. In my opinion, if you're gonna sleep around even when you have a girlfriend, you shouldn't be with her in the first place because she's obviously not satisfying enough. But some guys do it, and you have GOT to make sure any guy who attempts to be with you KNOWS that you do not accept that kind of behavior. And don't use the excuse that you can't get any better, because you CAN. A guy who tells you he loves you and then tries to get with another girl doesn't love you. Bottom line.


Like I said before, no one is perfect. We are nowhere near it, and neither are guys. But, if you're in a relationship with someone who is really great, but you have a gut feeling that something isn't right sometimes, ACKNOWLEDGE THAT FEELING. A man who is in love with you will make SURE that you know that you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope to see you back here next week! Go visit my Facebook page, "What My Man Does, and Why Yours Should Do It". Make sure you "Like" the page, too! You can comment on each blog there if you'd like to.

Sincerely Yours,
The Woman Who Found Her Man of Integrity