Land Your Man.

Alright girls, I'm going to go ahead and say right now that I do not claim to be some dating and relationship guru.  I've had my fair share of crappy relationships, and I've made my own mistakes.  But, I got lucky enough to fall in love.  In REAL love.  And I see now everything I've done up until this point and how ridiculous and stupid I was.  Men I was with before Matthew, mistakes I made with them, things I did that were successful...it has all made me who I am right now, as a person, and as a committed girlfriend.  So, the first few posts are going to be about US as women, and what we can do to make ourselves more desirable to men.  Let me clarify...the RIGHT men. 

All of these topics are things that I myself used to do before I met Matthew.  Before I knew what the "wrong" type of guy was.  Because, honestly, you can find something good in any guy.  But that doesn't mean that any guy is good for you.

Drop the Drama
I'm gonna go ahead and be honest.  Every girl is a drama queen. Whether you openly admit it, think you're too good to admit it, or just flat out don't realize it, you are.  And anyone who says, "I hate drama" says that to make people think she's cool or laid back or easy going.  Because, the truth is, we all think drama is interesting.  It's fun!  That's why the Hollywood stars are as famous as they are.  That's why tabloids actually exist.  Because when our lives don't have some sort of crisis going on, we find a way to read about the drama going on in another person's life.  And, we all know nothing is more interesting than Brad and Angelina adopting yet ANOTHER baby.  Or Taylor Swift's most recent break up.  Don't worry, girls, we'll hear all about it on her next album.  Anyway, my point is we're all closet drama queens.  But, I will tell you this.  As much "fun" as it may be to stir up a bunch of crap in someone's life, or to read about all the crap going on in celebrities' lives, men don't find that attractive.  Men literally hate drama.  They live easy lives and could care less about anyone but themselves and the people most important to them(if they even get that far).  I'm not saying men are incapable of caring about anything or anyone.  I'm just saying other people's lives are NOT on their list of things to know all about.  If it doesn't affect them, they could care less. 

With all of that said, this is one of those things that we have to be conscious about.  Some guys can be bigger drama queens than girls.  Some of them live for starting fights.  But, for the most part, guys think that girls who follow drama aren't satisfied enough with their own lives, and a girl that ATTRACTS drama...you know, those girls who bring their drama everywhere?  Well they may as well be wearing a sign that says, "Guys, stay away from me, I'm nothing but trouble".  Honestly, when a guy looks at a girl who ALWAYS talks about how this girl said that, and how someone told her that someone told her that Shelly's cousin got pregnant by this boy, the first thing they'll think about is how much trouble you're going to bring into his life.  And frankly, they don't want that.  So, if you're one of those girls, just stop.  Worry about YOUR life, and what YOU do.

Pop the Pity Party Balloons
If you're still reading, first of all, thank you for sticking with me.  Apparently I'm doing something right.  And secondly, PLEASE, if you don't get ANYTHING out of this whole entire blog, get this: Stop throwing your little pity parties.  Just stop.  It's not cute.  Ouch.  Did I hurt someone's feelings?  If I did, good.  That means you're one of those girls.  I know from experience.  I used to be one of those girls.  I would update my Facebook status with song lyrics about how the one I "love" doesn't love me back, or being single and bitter and lonely.  In school, I would sit in class and decorate my binders with nothing but song lyrics and broken hearts.  I would walk around feeling sorry for myself, hoping that my Prince Charming would come by on his little horse and pick me up and take me away and everything would be perfect.  WRONG.  The only men that are attracted to a girl who constantly feels sorry for herself, and makes it KNOWN how miserable she is, are the guys who WANT a girl who is so miserable that she will go out with the first yahoo that tells her she's beautiful.  He'll tell you what you want to hear, get you right where he wants you for as long as he wants you there, and then drop you like you are nothing.  And that is the WRONG type of guy.  Talk is cheap.  Make them prove it.  One who is worth spending your time on will be willing to put in the effort.  Bottom line here - pop the pity party balloons.  Making yourself look like the "damsel in emotional distress" won't make Mr. Right come knocking at your door begging you to go out with him. 

You Are Beautiful - So Stop Trying
Now that I've probably stepped on a few toes, I'll be nice for a little bit.  Girls, you have got to realize that you are beautiful.  You may have a small acne problem.  So what!  Maybe you're uncomfortable in a bikini.  Maybe you have 9 fingers.  Who cares!  I can guarantee you that someone will find the things you hate about yourself more beautiful than the things you love about yourself.  Let me give you an example.  Even now, I'm slightly uncomfortable telling you all what I hate about myself, but if this blog is going to be successful, I've got to be willing to be completely transparent with you.  I hate my feet.  I hate all feet, actually... They gross me out.  I hate the way they look, I hate the way they smell.  And I HATE the word toes.  Gives me the creepers.  Anyway, I've always been uncomfortable wearing flip flops in the summer time.  First of all, I'm not a huge sandal fan anyway, so that was my main reasoning for not wearing them.  My point is, that one day Matthew and I went to church together, and when we got home, he sat me down on the bed, took my shoes off and gave me a foot massage.  As small as that may seem to some of you, it was huge to me.  I didn't ask for one, I never said anything about my feet hurting, he just started doing it.  THAT is a real man.  THAT is someone who loves all of me.  And a few weeks ago I gave him one.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate feet.  But I like his.  Not because I feel like I have to, or whatever.  I like his feet because I like him.  All of him.  I LOVE all of him.  And when you love someone, they become the most handsome man in the world.  And you will be the most beautiful woman in the world to someone.  I promise.  I never thought I would... But I know now, and am confident in the fact that, even though I see other girls who I think are skinnier than me, or prettier, or taller or have better hair than me, Matthew wants ME.  He doesn't want those other girls, because they don't have what I have, and what I have is exactly what he wants.  You may find a guy that LOVES your love handles.  Let him love them!  No guy who is searching for sex will ever tell you they love your love handles, or they love the way you burp or they love that you don't shave your legs all the time.  A good man thinks you're gorgeous BECAUSE you don't try to be.  Sometimes I wake up in the morning and try to put all this make-up on, curl my hair all pretty, and dress up just to impress Matthew.  And, on those days, chances are he'll say something like "you look nice today".  And I know he means it, but part of him might be saying, "I wonder why she tried so hard today".  But then there are days where I'll get up, slap on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, put on my Chucks and a little bit of mascara and walk out the door.  And on those days, Matthew looks at me right in the eyes and says, "You look so pretty today".  And I can tell the difference.  I can feel the sincerity in his voice.  THAT is what your man should do.  So, I gave you all of these examples and told you all of these stories to say this; please don't think that you have to look like the girls in the magazines to impress a guy.  If he's a keeper, he'll look deeper than that, and he'll find you sexier because you don't try to impress him.  Let me give you a little challenge.  Don't try.  Wake up tomorrow morning, put on what you WANT to put on, not what you think looks the best.  If you want to wear make-up, fine.  But, make it look natural.  Don't overdue your mascara.  Don't wear funky color eye shadow that makes your eyes stand out.  Don't use glitter.  Just, be you.  And think about this quote by Audrey Hepburn as you walk through the halls of your school, or your work place tomorrow: “For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.”

It's Not All About You
Alright girls, here's the kicker.  I know everyone has their own sense of style, their own interests, and their own ways of getting things off their chests.  But, a girl who is starved for attention is obvious to guys.  When a guy sees a girl with her hair dyed black with purple streaks and huge yellow plastic sunglasses...it screams, "I WANT ATTENTION."  Keep it simple.  Don't change who you are or what you like to do, but, when you don't TRY to draw attention, you'll get more of it.

Miss Independent
Men are attracted to independence.  This is something I personally had to MAKE myself remember.  When Matthew and I first started dating, he spent every other day at his friend's house.  Not that that was a bad thing, I was okay with letting him have "bro time".  What I didn't like was the fact that when he was having bro time, he would only text me once every hour, or if I was lucky, every half hour.  So I would think up some crazy scenario about what he was doing or who he was with, and freak myself out.  Then I would text him and call him over and over and over.  And, I'll tell you right now... Not a good idea.  It drove him away more than it made him WANT to talk to me.  When a girl is so dependent on her man that she gets crazy psycho mode, trouble starts.  At the time, I felt completely justified in what I was doing, and felt like I had every right to call as much as I pleased or whatever.  But, ladies, that's a big no no.  When your man is out with his friends, he's out with his friends.  And if he doesn't text you back right away, chances are he's playing video games(like Matthew).  And guys are a one track mind.  Literally.  When he's in the middle of a video game, or a game of poker, or a football game, he's thinking about the GAME.  Not about if you're over at your house making up some irrational scenario and blowing up his phone.  And, if your man's a good one, he'll tell you where he's going and who he'll be with.  And, you need to TRUST HIM.  Until he gives you proof and a reason not to.  So, girls, next time your man goes to his friend's house, just relax.  He's thinking about you, even if he's not glued to his phone waiting for you to text back.  I promise.


Every one is different, and what my man likes, your man might not like.  And if you don't have a man and are looking for some tips to GET a good one, thank you for choosing my blog to get that information.  I hope it helped.  Just remember, that you shouldn't have to change yourself for a man, but there is a big difference between acting single, and acting like you're in a committed relationship. I really hope you all continue to read and take some of this in and apply it to your own lives.  It's all definitely made mine better. 

Sincerely,
The Girl Who Used To Be "That Girl".