When people tell you that guys are different than girls, they're right. However, what they SHOULD tell you...is that men and women are COMPLETELY different creatures. We both have a heart, lungs, kidneys and brains, but our brains are wired SO much differently. I'm gonna give you a few examples and then I'll tell you how I learned these things and how KNOWING them has affected my relationship and how it will affect yours.
Emotion
I'm sure most of you know, but I'll say it anyway: Men are NOT emotional. They run from emotion, rather. Of course, when they love you they'll tell you, and they're not afraid to show emotion with YOU, but I will tell you this - showing emotion all the time wears them out. It's almost like they feel like someone is sucking every bit of energy from their bodies. Women are driven by emotion. We're always feeling something whether it be anger, pain, envy, sadness, joy, love, etc. I am ALWAYS trying to be emotional with Matthew. I'll send him texts all the time that tell him how much I love him and how happy he makes me. Okay, he KNOWS I love him. He doesn't have to hear it all the time. And since he isn't driven by emotion, he doesn't say sweet things all the time, and it used to make me wonder if he was starting to not be happy with me anymore. But I guarantee you that a man will not fall in love with you because of all the sweet things you can say. Anyone can talk about how much they love each other. Anyone can kiss and hug and hold hands. But what WILL make him fall for you is who you really are. How you think, what you want in life. Try having an actual conversation with your man, and I guarantee it will result in him being more lovey with you. Just last night Matt and I were talking like best friends and when we were done and watching TV, he leaned back and kissed me like 20 times on the cheek. Because he felt closer to me. Men feel close to women who can say something other than, "I love you so much" and "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me". Trust me and try it sometime. I promise you, he will feel closer to you, resulting in him showing you more affection and love.
Money
Women like to spend money on things they don't need. Men don't. The end. Fighting over money isn't worth it. He probably knows what's best when it comes to finances - let him do what he needs to do to support you financially.
Affection
This sorta ties in to the emotion thing, but it's more physical. Guys don't need to touch you 24/7 to feel love from you, or to show you that he loves you. When he wants to kiss you, he'll kiss you. And if he never wants to kiss you, he won't be with you. Men are brutally honest sometimes, so just know that when he feels something, he'll do it. Whether it be good or bad. So just chill if he doesn't grab your face and make out with you as soon as he sees you tomorrow. He's happy to see you - just let him show you in his own way.
Details
Men SUCK at giving details. When I ask Matt how his day was I get, "It was good, this happened today and that happened..." and if he feels like it's important, he'll give details. But if he doesn't, he'll just kinda give as much information as he thinks I need. One time I asked him what he's been doing and he just said, "Nothing really..." and I was like, "...ooookay?" I wanted to know EXACTLY what he'd been doing. Not because I was trying to keep tabs on him, but because I was genuinely interested in what he was doing. He didn't find it important - I did. Again, different creatures. So, when you want more detail, ask for it.
That's all for this post. Thanks for reading!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Remember.
Guys, I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a few weeks. I got a job and things have been CRAZY. I work six nights a week and the only night I have off I go to a night class. So I haven't had time. But I'm sitting in bed after work now, and figured I'd whip something up real quick.
I think this week I'm gonna talk about fighting. First of all, let me say this - it's not a relationship if you don't fight. Every, and I repeat, EVERY couple fights. Big or little, every one does it. The thing that matters most is HOW you fight. I'm gonna be honest, Matthew and I have it to a pretty good science, and even we mess up and fight the wrong way sometimes.
It all comes down to one question: Do you want to be RIGHT, or do you want to be in a relationship? Because, if you're only worried about being right, it's not gonna work out for you. Let's say Matt and I are engaged, and we have an engagement party with all of our friends and family, and Matt doesn't sit by me or stand by me the whole time and I get upset about it. When we talk about it, he's gonna think he did nothing wrong because he was socializing with the guests. I'm gonna think he DID do something wrong because it was a party for US, and he should have been next to me the whole time. It's small, but if it's not handled the right way, it could lead to bigger problems. The best thing to do in that situation is say, "Okay, I understand your side...It's okay, I'm sorry I got upset over that." And then it's done. No big.
But let's say it DOES turn into something huge, and he calls you selfish, or you accuse him of not wanting to be seen with you, or whatever... The FIRST thing you need to do is walk away for a few minutes. Calm yourself down, and this is important: REMEMBER WHY YOU FELL IN LOVE. When you remember why you're in love with that person in the first place, forgiving and forgetting will be a lot easier. Because you realize how much it's NOT worth it. Some girls might say, "No, you need to stand your ground, HE needs to suck up to YOU." Well.......9 out of 10 of those girls are probably single, and that's why. Relationships are NEVER supposed to be one sided. And if it is, it's not love. If he doesn't care to stop fighting and move on, he doesn't love you. If you don't care enough to stop fighting and move on, you don't love him. Those are the facts. If you have to set some rules or whatever, fine, but make SURE you remember why you're in love in the first place, that way the defensive part of you will be pushed back, and you can fix things properly.
The next thing is VERY important: When you've gotten over a fight... MOVE ON. Don't mention it again, don't remember it. Don't keep thinking about whether or not he's still mad at you or whatever... If he says he's over it, he's over it. Guys don't like stress or drama, so he wants to get it over with as soon as possible. So, just go back to being your normal happy self, and it will be okay.
So next time you and your guy fight, just step back and think about if it's worth it. Chances are, it's not.
Thanks! :)
I think this week I'm gonna talk about fighting. First of all, let me say this - it's not a relationship if you don't fight. Every, and I repeat, EVERY couple fights. Big or little, every one does it. The thing that matters most is HOW you fight. I'm gonna be honest, Matthew and I have it to a pretty good science, and even we mess up and fight the wrong way sometimes.
It all comes down to one question: Do you want to be RIGHT, or do you want to be in a relationship? Because, if you're only worried about being right, it's not gonna work out for you. Let's say Matt and I are engaged, and we have an engagement party with all of our friends and family, and Matt doesn't sit by me or stand by me the whole time and I get upset about it. When we talk about it, he's gonna think he did nothing wrong because he was socializing with the guests. I'm gonna think he DID do something wrong because it was a party for US, and he should have been next to me the whole time. It's small, but if it's not handled the right way, it could lead to bigger problems. The best thing to do in that situation is say, "Okay, I understand your side...It's okay, I'm sorry I got upset over that." And then it's done. No big.
But let's say it DOES turn into something huge, and he calls you selfish, or you accuse him of not wanting to be seen with you, or whatever... The FIRST thing you need to do is walk away for a few minutes. Calm yourself down, and this is important: REMEMBER WHY YOU FELL IN LOVE. When you remember why you're in love with that person in the first place, forgiving and forgetting will be a lot easier. Because you realize how much it's NOT worth it. Some girls might say, "No, you need to stand your ground, HE needs to suck up to YOU." Well.......9 out of 10 of those girls are probably single, and that's why. Relationships are NEVER supposed to be one sided. And if it is, it's not love. If he doesn't care to stop fighting and move on, he doesn't love you. If you don't care enough to stop fighting and move on, you don't love him. Those are the facts. If you have to set some rules or whatever, fine, but make SURE you remember why you're in love in the first place, that way the defensive part of you will be pushed back, and you can fix things properly.
The next thing is VERY important: When you've gotten over a fight... MOVE ON. Don't mention it again, don't remember it. Don't keep thinking about whether or not he's still mad at you or whatever... If he says he's over it, he's over it. Guys don't like stress or drama, so he wants to get it over with as soon as possible. So, just go back to being your normal happy self, and it will be okay.
So next time you and your guy fight, just step back and think about if it's worth it. Chances are, it's not.
Thanks! :)
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